5 ways to support a friend or family member whose baby is in the NICU–By Tani Kiah, guest contributor

–By Tani Kiah, guest contributor

Tani Kiah is a strategic communications professional and mother to a NICU graduate. She is grateful to share her child – born at 32 weeks, 0 days, weighing 5lbs – is now a healthy, strong, and spirited 6-year-old. In this guest piece, Kiah shares her advice for friends and family members on how to best support a loved one who has a baby in the NICU. 

Having your baby whisked away to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) immediately after meeting them is, at best, a time of uncertainty – and at worst, a harrowing and even traumatic experience for families. 

I’ve heard many NICU parents say that you can’t truly understand what it’s like to have a baby in the NICU if you’ve never experienced it yourself. Personally, it’s something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. 

And my baby was only there for ten days. For comparison, the baby in the isolette next to ours had been there for four months. 

So, if you can’t imagine what they’re going through, how can you support them through their baby’s NICU stay? Here are five things to consider if you have a loved one caring for a baby in the NICU:

1. If you are able, purchase them preemie sized clothes and diapers. If baby is in the NICU because they were born prematurely, there’s a good chance their family isn’t prepared with the right sized essentials. They may not even have had the chance to have a baby shower, depending on how early baby came – but even if they did, it’s unlikely they have anything in their “nesting stock” small enough to fit a premature baby. Their hospital may have a clothing donation program to tide them over during their stay, but they’ll still need supplies to stock up back home. 

   
   

2. Offer to help out at home. NICU families spend a lot of time going back and forth between the hospital and home or work. It’s likely they have little time to tend to their own needs, so try your best to support them, even if you can’t make visits to the hospital with them. For example, they may need childcare if they have older children. You could also offer to prepare a few balanced, pre-cooked meals they can store in the freezer. And they may even appreciate an offer to clean their home while they’re away. Anything that might lighten their mental and physical workload at home would probably make a world of difference to them. 

   
   

3. Be mindful of their emotional state. People respond differently to trauma – and watching your new baby fight for their life day in and day out can indeed be a traumatic experience. While some people may appreciate an optimistic spirit, others might prefer to sit with you in silence and simply be. Remember to hold space for their feelings and try to honor the type of emotional support they need most in that moment. 

   
   

4. Do your best not to judge their decisions based on your own personal circumstances. Not every family can afford to take months off work to spend every minute with their baby at the hospital. Not every birthing parent has a positive experience producing milk for a premature baby, and not every baby born prematurely can properly latch or nurse. Not every baby responds well to treatments, surgeries, or other life-saving procedures they may need. And not every day in the NICU is an improvement on the one before. Do your best to support the decisions your loved one makes for their own family.

   
   

Make sure they know there are resources in the community that can assist them. Their hospital may assign them a social worker, who can connect them with resources like WIC, mental health support, and more. And your community may have other programs available for new families and children, like the Healthy Start Coalition of Okeechobee. We work with expecting families and families of children from birth to age 3, offering prenatal and birthing support services, lactation support, car seat safety, in-home care visits, diaper and food drives, family-focused bonding activities and events, and more.